Hmmm… marriage has shown me different shades of myself that I didn’t even know existed. And let me just say, I wasn’t always proud of what I saw. I have wasted precious years arguing over things that, looking back, weren’t even that deep. But experience is the best teacher, and now, I know better.
If you’re married, you know that conflict is as sure as NEPA taking light when you need it most. But the real issue isn’t whether you’ll fight, it’s how you fight. So, here are some lessons I’ve learned the hard way about handling conflict in marriage.Listen Before Reacting, Seek to Understand not Respond
Once upon a time, my husband would say something I didn’t like, and before he could finish his sentence, I was already drafting my comeback in my head. I wasn’t hearing him. I was preparing to “win” the argument. Big mistake! These days, I try to actually listen (not just wait for my turn to talk). It’s not easy, but when I listen first, I realize that sometimes, he has a point. Other times, I just hear why he’s acting somehow, and that helps me respond better.
No Name-Calling or Bringing Up the Past
Hmmm, ladies, let’s be honest… this one is HARD. When you’re angry, that file cabinet in your brain just opens by itself. “Oh, so you’re complaining about this? Have you forgotten what you did in 2018?” But I’ve learned that dragging up old wounds only makes matters worse. Focus on this issue, not everything he has ever done since you met him. And abeg, no name-calling… this is your life partner, not your street rival. Once those nasty words go out, you cant take them back.
Take a Break When Needed
See ehn, sometimes, the best way to fight fair is to pause the fight. If emotions are running high and you’re about to say something that will require fasting and prayer to undo, it’s okay to take a break. Me, I’ve learned to say, “Let’s talk about this later.” And let me tell you, after stepping away, sometimes you even forget what you were angry about in the first place or you realize it wasn’t even that big a deal.
Compromise and Forgiveness
Let’s be real, sometimes, you just have to let things go. I like being right (who doesn’t?), but I’ve learned that “winning” the argument can make you lose in the marriage. Sometimes, you bend, he bends, and you both meet in the middle. Other times, you forgive and move on even when he hasn’t apologized the way you wanted (you know men and their I thought we had moved on attitude).
At the end of the day, marriage is teamwork. It’s not about keeping score; it’s about growing together. So, my sisters, let’s fight fair. Because peace in marriage is sweet, and honestly, life is too short to spend it arguing over who left the toothpaste open!
What conflict-handling hacks have worked for you? Let’s gist in the comments!
